The Voice of the Child

The Voice of the Child

– How a Child Consultant Can Assist –

In family mediation, one of the greatest risks is that the voice of the child becomes overshadowed by parental conflict. When tensions are high, discussions can be dominated by suspicion, mistrust, and the drive to “be heard” as a parent. In this environment, it is easy for children’s experiences and perspectives to be overlooked, even though they are the ones most affected by the outcome.

A child consultant plays an important role in redressing this imbalance. Their purpose is not to advocate for one parent or to ask the child to choose between them. Instead, they provide a safe, neutral environment where children can speak freely about their experiences. This process helps children feel respected, while also ensuring their perspective informs the mediation in an appropriate and balanced way.

Children often pick up more than parents realise. Even if they are not directly involved in arguments, they are sensitive to changes in tone, tension in the home, and shifts in routines. Some children withdraw and remain quiet; others act out as a way of signalling their distress. A child consultant is trained to notice these patterns and to provide the space for a child to share what life feels like from their point of view.

The feedback given to parents is carefully considered and delivered in a constructive manner. It is not about repeating every word the child says, but about providing insights into the child’s needs, feelings, and concerns. In practice, this often has a powerful effect. Parents may hear, sometimes for the first time, how their conflict is being experienced by their child. This independent feedback can shift perspectives, soften entrenched positions, and help re-focus attention on the child’s wellbeing.

It is important to stress that involving a child consultant does not mean placing the burden of decision-making on the child. Rather, it ensures that their voice is included in a safe, supportive, and developmentally appropriate way. The responsibility for choices and agreements remains with the adults, where it belongs.

In my experience, when parents hear their child’s perspective framed by a neutral professional, it can cut through the noise of suspicion and conflict. It allows parents to see the situation through a different lens—one that prioritises the child’s welfare above the disputes of the adults.

Ultimately, the voice of the child in mediation is about recognition and respect. By involving a child consultant, families are reminded that at the heart of every disagreement lies a child who deserves to feel safe, valued, and heard.