8 Quick Insights on Managing Conflict

8 Quick Insights on Managing Conflict

– A Mediator’s Perspective –

Over the years, sitting with people in conflict has taught me a lot about how disagreements really work. Here are a few insights I often carry with me:

1. Listen first, talk second.
I’ve noticed that when people feel unheard, they raise their voices or shut down. But when I truly listen, even without offering solutions, things usually soften.

2. Feelings matter.
I’ve learned that conflict is rarely just about the issue on the table. Often, it’s about emotions — like feeling ignored, hurt, or misunderstood. Naming those feelings can change the whole conversation. When they arise, it can be useful to give them some space.

3. Stay curious, not judgmental.
When I ask questions instead of making assumptions, people open up. Curiosity shows respect, and respect lowers defences.

4. Find common ground.
Even in the toughest disputes, I almost always hear something both sides care about. It might be fairness, safety, or simply wanting peace. That shared value becomes the bridge forward.

5. Separate people from the problem.
I remind myself—and others—that the other person is not the enemy. The real “opponent” is the problem we’re trying to solve together.

6. Take a pause if needed.
Sometimes the best progress comes after a break. I’ve seen heated arguments cool down when people step away and return with clearer heads. A short break can help others perform better.

7. Small steps build trust.
Trust doesn’t come all at once. I’ve seen small agreements—like respecting time to speak—lay the foundation for solving bigger, harder issues later. Where possible, look to build momentum to the more complex issues.

8. It’s about moving forward.
Conflict resolution isn’t about proving who’s right. It’s about finding a way everyone can live with, so they can carry on without being stuck in the fight. Or at least see where issues can be narrowed down to progress where you can.